Grime Busters
by Peggie
Summary: A new team is helping to clean up Gotham and Batman desperately needs their help.


Disclaimer: DC Comics and Time/Warner own All the characters; this is an original story that does not intend to infringe on their copyright.

Apologies to everyone State side, being a Brit. I don' know how your driving test system works. So Bruce's reminiscences on his experience when taking his driving test are based on the British system.

This is a requested sequel to **Crossed Lines,** but you don't need to have read that story first because this is a self-contained story. All you need to know is that finally, after nearly thirty year, Alfred has got around to proposing to Leslie.

Grime Busters

By

Peggie

Alfred was looking at the ticket with a worried frown.

Mr. Pennyworth & Dr Thompkins-Pennyworth

State Room 1, Promenade Deck 

New York to Southampton Return 

The Oceanic Princess

Leslie was hugging Bruce, "Oh Bruce, what a lovely wedding present! Isn't it Alfred?" 

Her fiancée smiled a little uncertainly. He was doing a mental calculation of the dates. With the time they had planned to spend in London and Scotland, added to the two-way sea journey, it would mean them being away from Gotham for eighteen nights, instead of the ten he had bargained for. It would also mean that they wouldn't return in time for him to supervise the Gotham Museum's Charity Gala that was being hosted in the grounds of the Manor. 

"This is most generous sir, but surly it would be better if we fly back. I mean a two way sea journey will necessitate us be away much longer than originally planned. What about the Gala on the fourteenth? We won't be back until the fifteenth! "

"That's no problem Alfred, you and Leslie, deserve the best. As for the Gala, you've spent months arranging it, so what could go wrong?"

Did Bruce want him to make a list? Already Alfred had reach seventeen possible disasters that could befall the event and he had only just started. Glancing at Leslie he saw how excited she was with Bruce's present. Alfred knew he would rather die then disappoint Leslie, so he said, "Well if you're sure sir, Thank You very much." While making a mental note to double check all the arrangements for the gala in the morning.

Bruce hugged Leslie again then grasped Alfred's hand, "It's my pleasure old friend. Especially as I get to give the bride away."

Their plans for a quiet wedding in front a judge at city hall, with just a hand full of close friends present had been hijacked by Bruce, Dick and Tim. Within minutes of them officially announcing their engagement, all three young men had started planning a wedding at the Manor. Dick and Bruce had argued over who would be best man and who would give Leslie away. Much to Leslie's amusement they had also started to construct an unbelievably large guest list. Finally, Alfred had put his foot down and the guest list was left to the Bride and Groom to organise. 

The day before the wedding, Alfred and Bruce were sat alone in the kitchen going over the details of the arrangement for the next day. Leslie had left for the clinic an hour before. Suddenly Alfred laughed; Bruce looked at him curiously "What's so funny old friend?"

"Well, I had hoped that I would be planning your wedding and he I am planning my own!"

Bruce smiled, "Well that's only because you got to Leslie first," he said making a rare attempt at a joke, "if you had left it any longer I might have tried to steal her from you!" 

"I glad you didn't young man, believe me even Batman wouldn't have been able to save you if you had tried that."

Bruce looked at his friend and smiled, "No I don't think he would have." he said quietly.

"Are you sure you two will have enough room with just the first floor of the North Wing as your own?" Bruce asked.

Alfred looked at the younger man amazed at the stupidity of the question. "Sir, we will have six suites at our disposal, that's equivalent to twelve rooms, not to mention the six bathrooms! For the past thirty years Leslie has lived in a small four-room apartment and I have had a single room on the third floor. I feel sure that, with a bit of planning, we will be able to fit everything we own comfortable in the area allocated."

Bruce laughed, then became serious. "I am glad you two agreed to live at the Manor, it wouldn't have seemed like home without you here!" he said touching his friend's arm. 

Alfred saw the rare show of affection in the younger mans face and was nearly, but not quite rendered speechless. "No sir, I am sure it would have seemed more like a bomb site, littered with pizza boxes and dirty cloths." 

Bruce had the good grace to look bashful at the older man's comments. "I promise we will try to keep things tidy while you are away Alfred. I don't want you worrying about the house or us. I want you and Leslie to have the best honeymoon possible, after all you've waited long enough for it."

The wedding day had been everything Leslie had ever dreamed of. A beautiful service, a magnificent reception and now a cruise to look forward to. Bruce had done them proud. As she sat in the back of the Rolls with her husband arm around her she felt so happy. She just wished Alfred would relax a little, mind you she had to admit that Bruce's driving was a bit on the hair-raising side. As they screech to a halt for a red light Alfred commented.

"Master Bruce, please remember this is not the vehicle you normally drive. Please try and show this distinguished old car the respect it deserves."

Bruce was wearing Alfred's chauffeur's hat and a dark suite. He turned around and grinned at his friend. "No I haven't driven this car since I took my driving test in it." he laughed. Looking at Leslie he said. "You should have seen the examiner face when he saw the car. He had never taken a candidate out in a vintage Rolls Royce before; he certainly wasn't used to having a passenger like Alfred in the back. It's wonder I got my license, every slight mistake was highlight by Alfred pointedly sighing from the back seat. When I was finally told I'd passed, my so called friend here, even argued with the examiner pointing out every mistake I'd made."

Leslie looked at her husband and laughed. "Oh Alfred, you didn't?"

"I most certainly did, but the man wouldn't listen. It's no wonder the accident rate in Gotham is so high!"

Bruce just laughed. 

They arrived at the airport to meet the Wayne Industries jet, which would take the couple to New York. Mark Forest, the pilot, was amused to see Mr. Wayne dressed as chauffeur opening the car door for his friends. 

Leslie kissed Bruce, "Oh, darling, Thank You so much for a perfect day."

Bruce hugged her tight. "My pleasure Leslie, my pleasure!" he escorted he on to the plane.

He hurried back to the rear of the car where Alfred was removing the cases from the trunk and passing them to the pilot. Bruce gave his best imitation of Alfred's unmistakably annoyed tone, "That Sir, is the chauffeurs task. If you would like to join your wife on board the plane." He said trying, and failing miserable to give the old man the sort of look that Alfred used to make Bruce quiver in his shoes.

Alfred smiled at the young man and took his hand. "Thank you for everything." 

Bruce saw a tear in the old mans eyes. "Believe me Alfred, your are very welcome old friend!" He then did something that he hadn't done for years, he put his arms around the old man and hugged him tight. "You have a good time and no worrying about us, Ok." 

Alfred returned the hug, "Only if you promise to take care." The young man nodded. "Goodbye sir." With that Alfred boarded the plan.

"You know I don't believe this, they've been away five days and the only contacts we had from Alfred are two post cards. I thought the old guy would be ringing up on the hour." Tim said. 

"Leslie must have him locked up or something." Dick added. "Mind you I suppose when you're on you honeymoon then there's more interesting things to think about."

"Oh, I think Alfred is quite aware of what's happening at home." Bruce said.

"How?" asked Tim. "Leslie and I made him leave his laptop upstairs, I've double checked, it's there. And you two took his cell phone off him."

"So you think we three mere mortals, even with Leslie's assistance, can out think Alfred do you?" Bruce asked.

Suddenly the main screen of the Batcomputer lit up, "Oracle here Batman, I've checked with the phone company records, the WAP phone the e-mails are going out to was purchase by one Alfred Pennyworth on the 20th of last month!" She laughed. "That old man could out slither a snake. Do you want me to disable the program?"

"No leave it," Batman said shaking his head amazed at ingenuity of his oldest friend, "it's keeping his mind at rest. This way he only has to check his phone to know we're all ok."

The two younger men were looking from Bruce to Oracle's image on the computer screen. "You explain Oracle" Batman said shaking his head.

"Alfred's written a program to monitor vehicle movements in the cave and feed back from the emergency medical alert system. Every four hours the program constructs an e-mail letting him know which vehicles are in, which are out and if any of you boys are ill. It must have taken him hours to do. I only found it by accident because I was comparing system protocols, something I wouldn't normally do."

"The sly old fox," Dick muttered, "it's a good job he didn't take his laptop, knowing him he would have linked the security cameras into it, and kept us under surveillance. That would have ruined his holiday."

"I thought you boys were going to have a tidy up today!" Oracle said frowning. "Alfred will have a fit if he sees his kitchen in that state. For goodness sake Bruce, why don't you just throw the take away boxes out once you've eaten the food?"

Bruce just shrugged, "I keep forgetting!" he muttered.

"Why you need to get take a ways every night is a mystery to me? I know Alfred left the refrigerator and freezer full of meal. Leslie showed me them when I came over before the wedding." 

All three young men looked at her in a guilty way.

"What happened?" she sighed.

Dick looked at Oracle and started to explain. "Well we found Bruce's old race car set and decided to use it in the kitchen. It must have had a fault because it blew the fuse. We were tired and .. well, have you seen the electrical panel for this place, it's huge, so we decided to leave it until the morning. Only..."

"Only you forgot about it." Oracle finished. "So all Alfred's hard work went to waste."

Like a row of guilty schoolboys they were looking down at the floor as they nodded in unison.

"You won't tell him will you?" Tim asked.

"No of course I won't, I don't want your miserable reputations on the domestic front to sink any lower. Besides which, I now have a great hold over you three," she said with evident glee, "and believe me, my silence will cost."

"Bruce, you do realise that its the twelfth today don't you?" Tim asked his mentor. "The Gala is the day after tomorrow and the caters will be needing to use the kitchen." Tim was looking around the shambles that had once been Alfred's pristine domain. The once hygienic work surfaces, that Tim suspected were so clean germs died insistently on touching them, were now littered with take out boxes. The rare glimpse of clear worktop showed it thick with pizza sauce and other stains, Tim didn't want to think about. 

"Bruce I thought you and Dick were going to clean up."

"Dick got called back to work." Bruce muttered.

"So why didn't you have a go at cleaning up?" Tim asked reasonably.

To Tim's exasperation the man just shrugged. Shaking his head Tim walked out of the kitchen down the cluttered hallway into the main living room. His eyes opened wide at the mess he encountered everywhere he looked. Clothes littered the floor. There were dirty cups and dishes everywhere. The hearth was full of cinders. Red wine stained the cream coloured carpet. Tim wondered how could anyone cause so much mess in the space of just twelve days? It looked like the guy had hosted an all night party, but Tim knew Bruce well enough to know that wasn't the case. Tim had been away with his father for a week. Granted the house wasn't tidy when he left, but this was something else.

"Man, Alfred wasn't exaggerating was he, when he compared leaving you in charge of the Manor, with letting a two year old fly a jumbo jet." Tim said his face set awe-struck.

Bruce scowled "That's not funny!"

Tim looked back at the man, "Believe me neither is this. Goodness knows what Leslie will think? Alfred is expecting this, well from his remarks before he left I assume he is, but Leslie." Tim shook his head. "I think she thinks Alfred is exaggerating." Tim had thought the same. He knew the old man had a strange sense of humour. Living with Bruce for over thirty years he'd needed one. But looking around he knew the old man had full measure of his employer. 

The thought of Leslie seeing the house like this worried Bruce, he knew Alfred well enough to know the old man would give him hell for a few days, but in the long run he would be forgiven. Bruce suspected the old man enjoyed clearing up the mess. That it gave him a sense of achievement, somewhat similar to that Bruce got when he put another master criminal in prison. But to let Leslie see how inadequate he was at basic housekeeping was shameful.

"We could start now." Bruce said eyeing his partner hopefully.

"Sorry Bruce, but its school for me this morning." Tim replied, for once grateful to be going to school. Even double Algebra would be more appealing then tackling this mess.

At recess Tim told Ariana about the state of the house. "It looks like there's been forty drunken students partying for a week!" Tim exclaimed. "How one guy could make so much mess is beyond me?"

Ariana looked at Tim "What your friend needs is Grime Busters!" she said with a smile.

"Grime what?" Tim asked.

The girl dragged him to a notice board and pointed out a small advertising leaflet. 'Parents away? Did that party get out of hand? Need help to put things right? Then Grime Buster can help! Ring...'

Tim looked at Ariana, "It a group of Moms who figured out a cool way to make some money, while keeping parents from having heart attacks and kids from being killed." she joked.

Tim quickly copied down the number.

The woman from Grime Busters strolled around the Manor awe-struck, Tim couldn't decide whether it was with the opulence of the house and its contents or just the mess.

"You want all this put right tomorrow you say?" she seemed overwhelmed by the task.

Tim and Bruce both nodded. The woman shook her head. Seeing Bruce's desperate look she relented. "It will cost a lot more than our usual maximum of $200. It will mean employing a lot more staff, for a start."

Bruce pulled out a roll of notes counted out $1000 and handed it to the woman. Her eyebrows nearly left her face altogether. "That's a down payment." Bruce said. "There will be the same again if the place is clean enough to pass Alfred's inspection." The young Billionaire walked away more relieved then he could ever express.

"Who's Alfred?" the woman asked.

"Alfred's sort of like his dad." Tim said trying hard to suppress a smile.

Bruce was woken the next morning as an army of women descending on the Manor. A lorry appeared at the front of the house and dropped off a skip. By midday it was full and another empty skip took its place. By five o'clock the house had been transformed. It was back to a state Alfred would approve of. Bruce was so relieved he gladly counted out the remaining $1000 and gave each woman a $50 tip.

Bruce booked himself into the Gotham Hilton for the next couple of nights. He only intended to go back to the Manor to the host the Gala and use the cave. He didn't want to set foot in the rest of the house until the night before Alfred and Leslie returned. 

He contacted the firm of caters to check they would clean the kitchen after they left. He received a very frosty reply from the manager of the firm, affronted that anyone would doubt the professionalism of his company.

Just to be on the safe side he booked Grime Busters to come in after the Gala just to do a final tidy up. He smiled to himself to imagine how shocked Alfred would be to find the house not only standing, but also clean and tidy.

Bruce was shattered, he felt like he'd chased and fought every villain in Gotham. How did Alfred manage to stay so cool when supervising these events? Were people always coming to him with such mind-boggling questions? "Mr. Wayne, shall we serve the food now? Mr. Wayne, which wines do you want us to serve? Mr. Wayne, someone's been sick in the swimming pool. Mr. Wayne,...." and so it went on all afternoon. Mrs. Atkins chauffeur had been found drunk, how would she get home? Young Thomas Phillips had fallen and grazed his knee where was the first aid box. Someone had lost their shoes. It was never ending. By five o'clock Bruce was ready for bed. There was no way Batman would be patrolling tonight. 

Terry Senior smiled at Bruce as he took his leave. "Great show Bruce, I hope the Gotham Old Theatre's garden party is half as good next month. It was so kind of you to offer the use of the Manor and to organise it for us."

Bruce forced a smile on to his face and made a none committal comment. Good grief another party in a month. It would take him at least two to recover from this one.

Bruce felt a new respect for Alfred. How did the man refrain from strangling his employer when he foisted another event like this one on to him? Bruce felt sure if he were in the old mans shoes he would have poisoned his employer's soup long ago. He vowed to cut down on the number of events he committed the man to organising. 

The nagging thought that marriage might hasten the man's retirement surfaced again. What would he do if Alfred decided he enjoyed a life of ease? Bruce knew that Alfred was wealth enough to retire. Not only would he have a good pension, he also had an extensive portfolio. Managing Bruce's personal assets for so many years had given the old man a good business acumen. Although Alfred's assets were small compared to Bruce Wayne's billions, Bruce estimated the man must be worth quite a bit, maybe even a couple of million. He suspected that Leslie was unaware of the fact she'd married a wealthy man. That thought made him smile. He wondered how some of his dinner guests would feel, if they knew the butler they tended to treat with destine could probably buy and sell most of them. If it weren't for the fact Bruce knew how canny Alfred was, he would think the man was unaware of his wealth.

Leslie was smiling at her husbands shocked expression, "Come on Alfred, quit clowning. I knew you had to be having me on. No one could get the house in the state you described in the space of a couple of weeks. Anyway Bruce is a bright young man, he may not be much of a cook but he is capable of tidying up."

Alfred was looking around unable to believe what he was seeing. Maybe Leslie was right the young man didn't need a full time butler, come housekeeper. His wife had been trying for the last few days to get him to consider retiring. 

"Look you could just work the odd day." She had said. "You can cook the up a batch of meals and let Bruce reheat them, just like he's been doing while we've been away. We are living at the Manor, so you'll be on had to help out Batman as usual. If you want you can also invite Bruce to have dinner with us. I am sure he can manage everything else." his wife had insisted. 

Alfred had been sure he couldn't. Well, that was until now! 

"You know I am planning on cutting down the number of days I go into the clinic. We could spend a lot more time together." Leslie had said hopefully.

After the wonderful time they had on honeymoon Alfred was very tempted to agree with her. But he was also loathed to admit he was not needed. The thought that he was surplus to requirements was very frightening. 

Leslie was keen to check up on events at the clinic, so after a quick cup of tea she kissed her husband goodbye and headed off.

Bruce would still be in bed, Alfred checked the monitors and assured himself that was the case. He looked at the clock, 10:30, yes, he had time to start the Bruce's breakfast for his usual 11:00 wake up call. Alfred had just got the pancakes done when a frantic knocking on the Back door distracted him. He went to answer it. A woman of about forty stood out side, she looked terrible flustered.

"You haven't by any chance found my purse have you?" she asked. I think I must have left it here yesterday."

Alfred invited her in, together they hunted for, and eventually found the purse in the cupboard where Alfred kept his cleaning supplies. The woman sighed heavily with relief. Curious as to how the woman's purse got into the cupboard Alfred invited her to have a cup of coffee with him.

"I assume he's got you in to make the meals?" she said.

Alfred nodded.

"It's about time he ate properly." she said. In response to Alfred's raised eyebrow she went on. "You wouldn't believe the state this place was in. Pizza boxes, Indian and Chines take a way cartons everywhere. The whole house was littered with dirty dishes. There were clothes all over and the fireplaces hadn't been cleared out for days. It took ten of us a full day to clear the place up! Mind you, he is a nice man, very generous, he did pay well. We're considering having the Grime Buster's advert place in the country club and golf club. We never consider the adult market before, it seems a good way to expand the business don't you think "

Smiling Alfred agreed that that indeed sounded a wise move. They discussed the need for a good part time cleaning service in Gotham for the next few minutes, while she finished her coffee. Then Alfred showed the young woman out. It was a relief to know that Bruce still needed him. He prepared a fresh batch of pancakes just as the phone rang. He quickly answered it.

"Alfred? Oh Alfred," he heard despair in his wife's voice, "I not going to make it home for lunch. You're not going to believe the mess we're in down here! I turn my back for just a few days and the board of trustees.." 

Alfred listened to the catalogue of disasters that had befallen Leslie's beloved clinic and sympathised with his wife.

"Oh darling, I don't think I can possible consider retiring, or even semi-retiring, just yet." she added with regret. "They still need me here!" 

Alfred had assured her he understood and that he wouldn't expect her home until seven. He promised to have a special supper ready for her and that they would talk more when she got home.

Smiling Alfred finished preparing breakfast and took it up to his Master. 

"Good morning Master Bruce." he said cheerfully as he drew the curtains. Seeing the young mans exhausted face he frowned. "You, young man look terrible. You will eat your breakfast then go back to sleep." He ordered. "So which villain is responsible for your present condition, was it Two Face or the Joker?" the butler asked.

"Neither, it was you!" Bruce said with feeling. "Why didn't you warn me how difficult it is to manage a party?"

In reply to Alfred's worried inquiry about what had happened. Bruce went through his list of disasters he'd had to cope with. Alfred gave a sigh of relief. 

"I thought something serious had happened." he said.

"Serious, so what else could have gone wrong?" Bruce asked belligerently.

"Sir that was a straightforward party by the sound of it." the butler replied smiling. "Believe me, far worse could have happened." Prompted by the young mans disbelieving look Alfred regaled his employer with anecdote of past disaster he had coped with. There was the time the caters had failed to turn up and Alfred had to provide eats for one hundred and fifty guests at one hours notice. The time that he'd found two young guests who had broken in to the wine cellar, drunk themselves senseless and need to have their stomachs pumped. Then the time he'd found a couple in the kitchen trying to kill each other with meat cleavers, after a slight domestic argument had got out of hand. Alfred went on in the same manner for another ten minutes.

Bruce paled as he listened, he felt physically sick with relief that none of those things had happened yesterday. "Alfred, promise me never to be away again when there's a party." he begged.

The old man smiled," I promise." he said. "I think I will have a word with Mrs. Lea." he said almost to himself, but deliberately loud enough for Bruce to hear.

"Who?" Bruce asked just as Alfred knew he would.

Alfred smiled, "A charming lady I just met, we have been discussing possible expansion routes for her firm."

Bruce was looking puzzled.

"I am sure a team of professionals, like the ladies of Grime Busters, could handle party management." he said smiling as the young man's shocked expression.

"Sleep well sir, I will call you at six." Alfred said with a fond smile.

"Thanks." Bruce muttered while wondering why he had ever thought he could get away with deceiving Alfred.


End file.
